"May I please see proof of US residence?"

One Friday this spring, my academic advisor (also my boss), TheAdvisor, asked me to stay a little later at the office. He said he needed to leave, but a student was coming to drop something off and someone needed to let the guy in and then lock up. I readily agreed, since I live within easy walking distance of my place of employment.

Promptly at the appointed hour, a knock sounded at the door. I opened it to find a small, craggy-looking man who must have been in his mid-fifties and a card-carrying member of Dirty Old Men of America. He entered the office suite and left a huge stack of papers on TheAdvisor's desk.

Since he had now made his delivery and I wanted to go home, I thought it best to hint that it was time for me to lock up. I smiled and told him, "Have a nice weekend!"

He turned to me, looked me up and down, and then said, "You had to have been raised in the States, because you speak really good English!"

NOTE: I told this story to my ex-boyfriend, who adamantly supports making English the official language of the United States. After he was done laughing, he said, "I can't believe he said that. Even I know that's wrong!"